....funny thing .. love this...
Some people think that the more you’re embraced,
squeezed and touched, the more you’re loved. The
more you are made the exclusive property of
someone, the more you are cherished.
The more exclusive the relationship, the greater
the love.
There are people like this. The more they
control you, the more they
Say they love you. They don’t use the word
control because that’s not nice,
But control is exactly what it is.
Your luck cause I have a nice way of putting it.
“You see it in high school kids who are in love
with each other. They
are just locked in 100 percent in each other’s
company and if the guy or
gal so much as looks out of the corner of his
eye at anyone else, the other is hurt and
offended and angry. You see? This terrible
narrow and exclusive and jealous view of love is
as if there are only three and one-half pounds
of it in the world.
And I got all three and one-half pounds here and
I don’t dare give up a
bit of it.
Well, real love is the exact opposite of that.
It’s the funny thing
about it.
“The more you hold your hand open, the more
mercury you can hold in your hand. And the
tighter you squeeze it, the less room for the
mercury there is. Well, it’s the same with this
business of loving. And it’s an even funnier
thing in the sense that the more you give it
away, the more you have to give away. Because
the faster you give it away, the faster it comes
back tenfold. So the point of loving somebody is
that when you are together, that’s great. But
when you aren’t together, that’s great, too.”
Immature lovers always believe that they have to
guard each other instead of guarding their love.
They believe that by tying down the one they
love,
they can keep the beloved. They fail to
understand that love cannot be tied,
it cannot be controlled by the other.
How often do we see those insistent lovers who
won’t take no for an
answer. It’s as if they think that love is like
a piece of furniture that they can take home and
keep.
They are possessive and controlling. They
attempt to put love into a
bag and zip it up.
It doesn’t work, of course. Love isn’t like
that. It is living, breathing
and dynamic. Love is outgoing. It is giving and
sharing, not keeping. It is growth-giving, not
stifling. Genuine love multiplies itself. It
does not turn
in on itself.
When lovers try to disguise control and call it
love, it doesn’t work over the long term.
Perhaps in the beginning it might, but sooner
rather than later
it backfires.
“The more love there is,” says me, “the more
that comes out; the more you get back, so the
more there is. And in that kind of situation,
there is
plenty for everybody.”
1. Don't think in terms of forever. Think of
now, and forever will take
care of itself. Recognize that all relationships
cannot be forever. Recognize their temporary
quality, but continue to act as if they are
permanent.
2. Expect to invest a great deal of time and
energy in your relationships.
Lasting relationships don't just happen, they
are created.
3. Respect the other person's relationships
apart from you. If they are
important to the one you care about, they should
be important to you.
4. Never idealize others. They will never live
up to your expectations.
5. Don't be afraid of giving. You can never give
too much, if you're giving
willingly.
6. Never force anyone to do anything for you "in
the name of love." Love is
not to be bargained for.
7. Don't allow experience to harden your heart;
rather use it to become
more aware and sensitive.
8. Don't lose touch with the craziness in you.
This, with a large dose of
caring, will assure that your relationship will
never be boring.
9. Don't brood. Get on with living and loving.
You don't have forever.
10. Always start a relationship by asking: Do I
have ulterior motives for
wanting to relate to this person? Is my caring
conditional? Am I trying to
escape something? Am I planning to change the
person? Do I need this person
to help me make up for a deficiency in myself?
If your answer to any of
these questions is "Yes", leave the person
alone. He or she is better
off without you.
11. Keep the child in you alive and playing.
12. Divorce, fighting, arguing will never solve
your problems; better
to try understanding, warmth and flexibility.
13. Stop going through life in self-pity, self-
blame and "mea culpa"
syndrome. We are not as bad as we think.
14. Write down all the reasons why you love each
person you relate with.
Then, when the going gets tough, take the list
out and reread it. It resolves problems quickly.
15. Don't be afraid of disagreements and
arguments, the only people who
don't argue are people who don't care or are
dead. In fact, don't have
short arguments. Make certain they are
thoroughly over and done with. After
an argument is over, forget it.
16. Watch out for little irritations, they grow
into destructive monsters. Verbalize them at
once.
17. Let go of pride. It is usually false,
creates barriers and prevents
closeness.
18. Acknowledge the humanness of the other.
19. Exercise feelings. Feelings have meaning
only as they are expressed
in action.
20. Be compassionate. It is the sure way to
understanding and acceptance.
21. See all criticism as positive for it leads
to self-evaluation. You
are always free to reject it if it is unfair or
does not apply.
22. Expect what is reasonable, NOT what is
perfect.
23. Stop playing games. A growing relationship
can only be nurtured by
GENUINENESS.
24. Even though you are only half of a
relationship, you must remain a
whole person, apart from the relationship.
25. Remember that moral and spiritual values
don't restrict, they PROTECT.
26. What you learn about yourself will
infinitely help in trying to understand others.
27. See problems as small MIRACLES which can
bring about KNOWLEDGE AND
CHANGE.
28. Don't allow your relationships to die of
NEGLECT.
SOMEONE SAID:
"Love is supposed to be the most wonderful
feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy
and strength. But sometimes the things that give
you joy can also hurt you in the end".fu
